I'm too old for this sh*t

[redhedlvr2]

I have an admirer at work. Yes I know, a single woman who just turned 51 should be jumping with joy instead of wanting to scream and pull her hair out. But that woman isn't me.

D started to work here last fall. He's very outgoing and friendly. He likes to flirt, with everyone, so I flirted back. No harm, no foul since everyone was involved. Some people are just like that. Ok, cool.

He started stopping by my office when he got in every morning and gabbing with me and my a/p clerk. Which was ok, cause obviously he's clearly a morning person. In addition to the flirting and being outgoing and friendly. D's so very much my polar opposite.

Anyway, our Monday morning conversations eventually started including what we did over the weekends. I usually just play WoW, watch whatever dvd's came in through netflix and knit, or read. Occasionally I'll have lunch with a family member. Now most people will be quick (FATHER) to point out that this is clearly depression and I need to stay on my meds. Because no person in their right mind would choose be be alone and I'm certainly not getting any younger (SISTER) and need to make hay while the sun shines, or words to that effect. But on Monday mornings, when asked about my weekend, I just smile and say it was good, how was yours? Easy, non-committal and I know most folks aren't going to squee with me over my latest fandom crush anyway.

So, D and I had this ritual on Mondays until one day, he says, "We're gonna have to work on getting you out more." I laugh, cause it's clearly a joke and he doesn't know me very well if he thinks that's gonna work, and agree, "Yeah, sounds good."

Then my mailbox was vandalized. I should say raped and dismembered because one minute it was whole and pure and saving itself for the mailman, and the next it was in three pieces scattered across my front lawn. So obviously, I had something a little more exciting to say on Monday morning, since this was a BIG EVENT in my usual, comfortably boring routine.

So I tell him about the mailbox and my hunt for a handyman. UGH! It was like waiving a red flag in front of a bull. He must have thought that was my "signal" because he then says, "Oh not to worry, I can take care of that for you. I'm gonna get a room in your area over the weekend (he lives an hour away) and we can take care of that and get you out of the house for a while, too."

It was like somebody had hit me over the head with the damn mailbox. This guy wasn't just flirting and having fun, he was FLIRTING with me! This usually just doesn't happen and I'm immediately suspicious. What does he REALLY want? I don't have any money and I'm certainly no prize in the looks department so what gives?

I declined his offer to fix the mail box and laughed off the "get me out of the house" remark.

We sort of go back to the impersonal banter thing we had going on while he regrouped, after giving me his phone number. So now, on Mondays, we do the banter thing, the weekend wrap up and now he says, "You should call me some time."

At this point I'm not sure where I want a relationship with D to go. As far as what I see at work, he's sort of hit or miss. I'm friends with his department manager and I know what his work ethics are in addition to his attendance record. Could be better, in my opinion. I also know he has two children by two different women and he lives with his mother. What little good sense I think I have left is telling me that this might not be a man I really want to get involved with more than casually. Then finally one day he askes me outright if I'd like to have dinner on Friday night. Yeppers, nailing me down and making me give an answer is really the only way. I say yes because I really do want to give him a chance and we pick a time and place.

As it turns out, he's working the night sift that Friday and we'll be having our "date" during his extended dinner break. "Ok, I think. This is good because it's casual and low pressure and there's a time limit." I need that because the dating thing was left by the wayside many decades ago and it's extremely stressful just thinking about. Turns out we have enough in common that it might be worth a go. We even have birthdays that are three days apart. Cool beans. Maybe next time lunch and a walk around the park/mall whatever. When we leave the restaurant, I'm thinking this was a good thing.

Then we pull up at work (he asked me to drive. Is anyone else getting the sense that this is a lost cause yet?) "Can I kiss you goodnight?" Sure, that sounds reasonable, I'm not a COMPLETE prude. And he proceeds to shove his tongue down my throat and attempt to grope me through my tripple layer, goose down winter jacket (it was February and 15 degrees out and I was even wearing mittens). Talk about culture shock! Then he started babbling something about getting that room he mentioned (see above) and giving me the privacy I really needed to let myself go. I was still hung up on the fact that I had to fight off a man while I was wearing my mittens so my brain hadn't quite caught on to the topic yet.

Finally he got out of the car and I drove home and called my oldest daughter, who is 27 and knows about how to handle these types of situations. I also told my friend (note singular, see above) and we both laughed over never having made out/gotten groped while wearing mittens. Both daughter and friend agreed this guy was a masher and to make sure he knows I'm not interested.

So that Monday's conversation consisted of the usual topics plus my statement that I was not interested in having a purely physical relationship at this point in my life. D seemed to take it ok, I know I've done the right thing by not stringing him along and he goes off to re-group once again.

His new stradegy is an oldie but a goodie, the way to a larger woman's heart is obviously through her stomach and he starts bringing me little goodies for breakfast. I tell no thank you, I've just eaten. My doctor has forbidden all carbs. Bagels give me hives. Please don't feed me! But he's not taking no for an answer. Have I mentioned yet that I have gotten the feeling that he doesn't listen to me? Then the day before my B-day, he brings me a card and a box of cupcakes with candles in each one along with a website I need to take a look at and let him know which weekend would be good for our little get-away. Its feathersnest or fether something and looks really nice, but not with him! So, I got to go home and stew about having to find a way to tell this guy NO in a language he understands. I think I can do German, Greek and Russian but beyond that all I have is English, which he clearly isn't listening to.

Daughter and Friend both (along with my thearpist) all agree that I'm going to have to say "I don't want to get groiny with YOU!" or words to that effect with emphasis on the YOU part. Cause this guy is still coming on strong and I'm starting to get annoyed.

Just starting, you say? Well, come on. It took three months before I even realized he was flirting with me so I think I tend towards the slow on the uptake side of things.

And that, gentle reader, is my sad, dating tale of woe.

Comments

[sassyinkpen.livejournal.com]

Ouf - that does sound like a difficult situation. I am glad you gave the guy a chance, but he would have failed my personal tests too.

Sounds like you're just going to have to be very point blank with the guy and tell him you're not interested. Which I completely don't envy you on...I'd have trouble doing it.

[redhedlvr.livejournal.com]

I've really made light of the situation, and some of it was amuzing even as it was happening. At one point though, durning our dinner "date" he told me he wasn't the type of man someone brought home to mama. When he said that I thought it was just male boasting. Guys do that, right? Then after the octopus act in the car I started to believe it. Well, three times is a charm and I'm going to have to be clear. It's hard for me to do that though. My usual MO is to ignore it and hope it goes away.

[feather-autant.livejournal.com]

I was still hung up on the fact that I had to fight off a man while I was wearing my mittens so my brain hadn't quite caught on to the topic yet.

Oh god. Okay, I know it's not really funny, but OMG! That's hysterical! ::laughs and laughs::

In reality, though? You need to look him in the eye and say you're not interested. Do you work in a large enough business to have a HR department? If you do, you need to tell them what's going on. This guy is a creep.

I hope he gets the message! ::hugs you::

[redhedlvr.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my friend and I had a good laugh over the mittens thing too.

Unfortunately, I AM the hr department. Yeah, I know. I should know better, but we're a small company and have no fraternazation rules to speak of. The president of the company, who is Jewish and also an ordained minister some sort, performed the ceremony for the lady who was the accounts receivable manager and a guy who worked in the warehouse. We're all one big disfunctional family here.

Thanks for the support